Namaste Bitches

(Look at me being all peaceful and shit…face palm)yoga-selfie-2

This entry has been brewing for some time and at last, the gloves are off. I am not attacking Yoga or healthy living and the pursuit of a kinder connection to your fellow inhabitants of the earth. The purpose of this entry is focusing on the bullshit that has tarnished the beautiful practice of Yoga, the real benefits of eating for health, and the elegance of living a more gentle, inclusive life.

Say what you want about the 80’s and its balls out “Greed is good” ethos but it was by and large the most honest of all of the decades I have lived through. It was a decade obsessed with excess, money, prestige, appearances. The switch from the love, and inclusion mentality of the flower children of the 70’s to the self-absorbed, exterior focused, vacuous, kill or be killed generation was quite jarring. These two very different decades occurred during my formative years. Although the philosophies of 70’s and 80’s were as opposite as opposite can be, they had an unapologetic nature and brutal honesty to them. These two decades taught me conviction and honesty. Strange but true. I may not agree with the way some people conduct their lives but I have a metric fuck-ton of respect for being honest about who you are.

The last 5 years have made me sit back and ponder a lot of bullshit. Society has become duplicitous. 2010 -present has been the lipstick on a pig decade. If you read your social media feeds, you will notice a boatload of positive affirmations, blissfully centred people performing yoga posses against a wondrous, natural backdrop. You may even notice many photo’s of folks hitting the local farmers market to buy organic, locally grown produce. Ah, beautiful people, leading beautiful lives. On the surface, it would seem that we are really making progress, right? Then why are so many people more depressed, more self-absorbed, and I really hate to say this, mean? When did leading a kinder, more authentic life become the latest competition?

Yoga brought these thoughts to a head. I want to start with what yoga should be. Here is the dictionary definition:

Yoga: a Hindu theistic philosophy teaching the suppression of all activity of body, mind, and will in order that the self may realize its distinction from them and attain liberation.

Wow, isn’t that beautiful? Doesn’t Yoga sound peaceful and exactly what people need to chill the fuck out and achieve true balance? In all honesty, whether I am in a hot or cold yoga studio, this is what I’m looking to experience. Sadly, it is a rare occasion that I am able to achieve the true purpose of this ancient practice. Yoga studios are the new gathering place of “mean girls”.

If you have been to a Yoga studio, you know what I am referring to, you have heard them. Sadly, sometimes the instructors are just as shitty. Yoga is a practice, not a fucking competition. I want to forego the $200.00 yoga pants and show up in whatever the hell I please. I want to gradually improve my yoga postures as my body strengthens and not feel intimidated by the voices of the Namaste Bitches in the back, muttering about how they should have different classes for people who are not very good at yoga. As God is my witness, the next time I hear anything like that directed at me or anyone in the class, I will purposely turn around and raise my middle finger and utter in the most peaceful voice; “Namaste this, Bitch”.

So why is this decade so fucking dishonest? My revelation is it’s all social media’s fault. Really nasty people can now manage how the public perceives them. Apparently, being kind and considering the environment and eating healthful is the new “it” thing to do. We have not made progress, we have become really good at giving the world a pretty press package, and the biggest issue of this generation is that folks are starting to believe their own bullshit. It makes me think of the apple that the evil Queen gave to Snow White. It was the perfect, beautiful apple, its perfection begged to be consumed…well, we all know how that turned out.

Am I passing judgement on folks? Yes, yes I am. You see, I am a flawed person who gets pissy. I smoke cigarettes. I sometimes drink way too much. When I have a particularly shitty day, I buy the king size Mr. Big Chocolate bar and a bag of Miss Vickie’s Malt vinegar chips.  Sometimes I want to throat punch folks…and there you have. I am a work in progress, an honest work in progress. I just really wish more people would just present who they are and not keep putting a pink ribbon around a steaming pile of shit.

My plea, my hearts desire is this: don’t ruin Yoga for the millions of people who are practicing to find peace and balance, don’t ruin it for me. Go to fucking Fitness centre and take a Body Combat class! Also, if you have a real distaste for the majority of the population, stop posting peaceful quotes from true humanitarians, or I may have to leave a steamer at your front door. Sometimes stepping in shit can be cathartic.

I will leave you with what Namaste really means. If this doesn’t resonate with your LuLu Lemon life, get the fuck out of the Yoga Studio.

For a teacher and student, Namaste allows two people to come together energetically to a place of connection and timelessness, free from the bonds of ego-connection. If it is done with deep feeling in the heart and with the mind surrendered, a deep union of spirits can blossom.

Much Love (and apparently hostility)



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Rayna Written by:

I am a mother of a brilliant 25 year old daughter and an 12 year old pug named Biskit. I have a very successful career in IT Research Sales and even after 11 years, I still love my clients and the firm. I LOVE preparing amazing food for my nearest and dearest. I truly believe that hugs, homemade cookies and laughter can cure a crappy day but sometimes, a session at a rifle range, followed by a shitload of alcohol can be equally therapeutic. I'm a sweet top performer with a dark side.


  1. Peter Bailey
    April 26

    Jai Bhagwan 🙂

  2. Caroline
    October 26

    Absolutely amazing! So raw and honest!

  3. Ian
    April 20

    I Love your writing style. HAHAHHAHA

    • April 28

      Thanks Ian! I need to start writing again!

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